Liam's Journal
by cbeckham
Summary: This compilation will feature Liam's thoughts throughout all three books and each chapter. I hope you enjoy it! Thanks in advance for reading. Pixelberry owns all characters.
1. Chapter 1

**Liam's Journal**

Entry#428

I came face to face with what could have been my future tonight, but as fate would have it, my purpose will yet again supersede any personal desires I might have entertained. I have traveled all over the world and witnessed beauty in ways a photograph could never fully capture, but tonight my eyes and my heart caught a glimpse of heaven on earth. In a few words… the woman of my dreams.

Tonight is to be our last night here in New York City and the guys wanted to make it a memorable one. I was definitely in no mood to celebrate, but since they came all this way for _my_ bachelor party, I couldn't very well avoid participation and I'm glad I didn't.

After breakfast, we wandered through the already bustling streets, visiting a few shops and sampling foods from several small vendors set up along the way. My favorite part was when we reached Central Park. It is amazing to see how this one little piece of earth is tucked so carefully amidst the commercialized surroundings, as if refusing to succumb to the expectations of its vastly moving counterpart.

I chose to sit on a bench and enjoy this simple pleasure, while the guys wandered off in pursuit of yet another thrilling adventure. I don't blame them for wanting to have fun but having down time for me was a welcomed reprieve from the non-stop entertainment of the past few days. I just needed a moment of solitude… a moment to try and resolve this ongoing conflict raging inside. The fact that I must now choose a bride for the sake of the monarchy is unreasonable in my opinion but expected and with the social season upon us, that choice will have to be made sooner than anticipated.

As expected, when the guys found me in the same spot they left me earlier, they were all ready to find a bar and hopefully get something to eat. The one Drake chose was a quaint little tavern tucked between two towering structures and one might not even notice if it weren't for the flashing neon sign that read 'OPEN' hanging just outside the entrance. We walked in and it was relatively quiet except for faint shouting coming from the back. Nothing alarming of course, and we figured this was normal since most people we'd encountered here seemed to speak rather aggressively to each other. While waiting to be seated, I excused myself to freshen up and when I returned the guys were sitting in a booth and the waitress was taking their order.

I stood behind her waiting to take my seat and I was immediately lured by the tone of her voice. It was both strong and soothing and I could only imagine the face behind it. When she turned around, it was as though my worries and thoughts of earlier had simply vanished. What stood before me, was an answer to my prayers… a prayer that I would meet someone that captivated and intrigued me… someone to awaken my senses. I have to say, in that moment alone, I felt more alive than I'd ever felt before.

Each time she came to our table, I found myself more and more drawn to her subtle charm and I just _had_ to know more about this intriguing, beguiling woman. It was almost as if my life depended on it. I was quite surprised when she accepted my offer to escort us to a club that the guys wanted to visit and even more so when she suggested a secret cove instead. While the guys were having fun in the water, Catherine and I sat by the fire Drake had started and simply talked to each other about everything under the sun, or moon, as it were. And for once, I could be an ordinary guy with hopes and dreams for the future like anyone else... not one who is burdened by his circumstances. I knew it was pointless to imagine having something more than this with her, but that didn't stop my longing.

The best part of the evening was when she took me to see the Statue of Liberty. The few times I've visited New York, that was the one thing I wanted to do more than anything else but never had the opportunity. I know I shouldn't have mentioned it, but I certainly wasn't expecting her to act on it either. For some reason, it seemed to please her that she was able to, so I happily gave in to her demands. No one has ever done something so special for me before and seeing it for the first time was an experience I will never forget but having her next to me at the same time… it was magical. I found myself wanting to touch her but knowing if I gave in, it would only make my departure even more difficult.

Catherine must have sensed my longing because in that very moment, she pulled me into a kiss that quite literally took my breath away. I was stunned by her boldness at first, but the timing was perfect… _she_ is perfect for me in every way.

She's witty, caring and most of all, she only seems to care about me… not my title. Honestly, even after only a few hours of spending time together, I could see myself with her in the long term. There was just something about her… something bright, fresh and oddly comforting. But as it were, we come from two separate worlds which dictate our destinies and unfortunately, they do not converge. If only I could have chosen my own path. If only Leo hadn't abdicated. If only I had more time. If only…


	2. Chapter 2

Last night was the single most incredible night of my life and it might sound cliché, but meeting Catherine and spending time with her was a dream come true. No one has ever touched me so deeply before _and_ in such a short amount of time. After only a few hours together, we both knew our time was coming to an end and I finally convinced her to let me escort her home. As a gentleman, I would never leave a lady to wander the streets at night alone, especially not _this_ lady.

After reaching her apartment we lingered outside a bit longer than would be considered normal I suppose but knowing our paths would probably never cross again I believe we were both trying to prolong the inevitable. Saying goodbye to her was only one of two times I can remember that doing so, left me with a huge void inside… an emptiness, as though a part of me ceased to exist the moment the words were spoken… the other would be when I said goodbye to my mother of course… and this proved to be equally heart wrenching. I waited until she was safely inside the building and watched as she slowly closed the door behind her. The joy of meeting such a perfect woman and then the heartache of knowing I would never see her again… it was a bittersweet moment, to say the least.

When I was able to pry myself from the stoop, the guys and I headed back to the hotel to hopefully get some sleep before our departure back to reality before sunrise. I found it very difficult though… a part of me was rather anxious about what was waiting when I returned home, but I think my sleeplessness was mostly due to the fact that I couldn't stop thinking about Catherine. There was nothing about her that didn't interest me, and I found myself hoping, with everything in me, that things could have been different.

It didn't come quickly, but finally I drifted off to sleep and the morning came way too soon. The minute the jet took off, even though exhausted, I couldn't stop my mind from wandering back to Catherine and the countless possibilities I was leaving behind. Once we landed, I knew I had to shake this cloud of despair because tonight, all eyes would be on the Crown Prince of Cordonia… scrutinizing my every move and expression. While I didn't don the usual facial disguise of a masquerade, I still wore a mask. The one I was taught to display at all times… the one that conceals the truth.

The evening began with the traditional Masquerade Ball which signals the onset of the social season. And as is customary, a horde of eligible ladies were summoned from all over to vie for the hand of a prince. While some hail from distant countries, others were called from regions within the borders of this small kingdom, but all of them are present for one thing and one thing only... to be chosen as my wife, and when the time comes for me to ascend the throne as the king, she will also serve as my queen. I've always known that my choices would be limited when it came time for me to marry, but I had hoped it would involve someone I was in love with or at least mildly attracted to. But I've never been allowed to forget that my choice must be made solely for the benefit of the country, regardless of what I might want.

I already knew who the suitors were prior to the opening ceremony this evening and even though it's blasphemous for a prince to admit, I was less than enthusiastic and maybe somewhat disappointed. That is, until I caught a glimpse of the beautiful stranger who was standing so elegantly in the midst of all the others. Or should I say, standing _out_ from them. She was wearing an angel costume which seemed to accentuate her small frame perfectly and to be honest, I was immediately taken by her beauty. For a moment, my mind declared that this lovely vision just had to be Catherine. In my heart though, I knew it wasn't possible… but that didn't stop me from _wanting_ it to be, all the same.

Tonight was to be the beginning of the worst night of my life, but in the midst of all this madness I somehow curried favor from the heavens and the misery I thought my life was destined to become, now seems full of promise… to be the exact opposite. Between the many introductions and handshakes with all the nobility, I found myself consistently searching for the beautiful stranger who had captivated me from first sight. I needed to get close enough to put an end to this curiosity about her identity. When she finally stood before me, there was a familiarity in her features, vaguely visible from behind the mask… maybe the smile on her lips or the gleam in her eyes. It was only when I heard the sound of her voice that I realized fate must have listened to my desperate plea after all and the one thing I wanted most in my life, was just an arm's length away. If I could, I would have stopped time right then and there, just to relish a bit longer, the excitement I felt in that moment.

I'm still wondering how, but Catherine is even more beautiful than I remembered from the last time I saw her, less than twenty-four hours ago. We managed a dance at the end of the evening, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy every minute of having her so close. Admitting she'd had no formal training in the art of dance, I was amazed at how well she was able to match my every step in a fluid, yet graceful motion. In that moment, it felt as though we had been dancing our whole lives together. It just felt right.

It is difficult to have a conversation on a dance floor, especially with hundreds of people watching, so before the orchestra hit the last note I managed to slip us outside for a moment of privacy. While I'm excited beyond measure that she came all this way for me, I still have a few concerns as to how she will navigate through this process unscathed. It can be overwhelming for even the most seasoned noble and I would be wrought with guilt if I thought, even for a second, that she felt less than welcomed.

By her request, Catherine and I managed to steal a few more moments out in the gardens before calling it a night and it was cute how she lured me into a game of 'maze tag' I had mentioned earlier. It was always fun back when Drake and I were children but after tonight, I will never look at that game the same way again. This night couldn't have been more perfect, even if I had planned it myself…she is perfect for me in every way. Dare I dream that I could have something more?


	3. Chapter 3

The wedding night -

The ride to the honeymoon suite by a horse driven carriage was quiet for the most part… Your hands are all over each other as you exchange passionate kisses, then heavy breathing and a few moans ensue… all of which started even before the carriage pulled away from the palace. Liam pulls back, both of you breathless and takes your hand, kissing it gently.

"I'm so happy to finally be alone with you Catherine."

"I know... me too."

As you both readjust to reclaim composure before reaching your destination, you lay back against his chest while he holds you in his arms. A few minutes later and without warning, your emotions are stirred by thoughts of what the outcome of tonight _could_ have been, as opposed to what it is…

After arriving, Liam opens the door to the suite then lifts you up into his arms and carries you over the threshold, only letting you down once inside.

"At long last, we're here."

You walk a few paces as the door closes behind you… You take a few deep breaths to calm yourself and then turn to Liam…

"Catherine…"

He is about to say something but stops when he sees an uncertainty in your expression. With the events at the stronghold still fresh in your mind, you struggle with a lingering anxiety…

"Liam, seeing you here in our wedding night suite… When I saw you in that manor facing off against Anton… Well, I wasn't sure you and I would end up here tonight…"

"I know. Tonight was… absolute insanity, if we're being candid. But it's finally over now... we prevailed."

You stare at Liam for a long moment… and before you're entirely sure what's happening, tears begin trickling down your face. You sniff as Liam rushes over and wraps you in his arms. You lay your head on his chest, finding solace in his embrace.

"Hey, hey… what's wrong?"

"It's just… coming so close to losing you _again_… it almost broke me this time. I had to be strong to save us… to save Cordonia, but now…"

Liam pulls back, gently wiping the tears from your face. The warmth of his smile lends a peaceful comfort while his eyes express a love so powerful, your worries simply fade away.

"Catherine… _Now_, we're safe. Anton is gone, and he will never be able to hurt either of us _ever_ again."

You manage a smile as he plants a tender kiss on your lips.

"This is the beginning for us, as husband and wife, and I'm ready for forever with you Catherine… starting with our wedding night."

"That's _exactly_ what I want to do…"

Liam places a hand beneath your chin and tilts your head up toward his, then kisses you soundly.

"_Liam_…"

"Catherine… This is our special night. You're mine, and I'm yours. Now, and forever… my queen."

"I really am the queen now, aren't I?"

"Cordonia's queen _and_ mine."

Liam kisses your neck, his lips lingering there as he whispers…

"_What does my queen command_?"

"I like it sweet… and romantic…"

"Perhaps something like this will please the queen…"

Liam cups the back of your neck with one hand, then dips down and captures your lips in a soft, lingering kiss. His other hand moves to the small of your back, and he gently pulls your body flush against his. Eventually, you pull away, breathless.

"The queen is _very_ pleased."

Liam smiles and glides his hands down your waist and over your hips, then lifts you into his arms. You wrap your legs around him as he carries you over to the sofa, his gaze never strays from yours.

"I like that too."

Still smiling, he lays you across the cushions, then kneels beside the sofa and carefully removes your shoes. He kisses your ankle as his hands deftly massage their way up your calf, and then slowly to your thigh. He kisses every inch of your skin as he exposes it, and you close your eyes letting out a soft moan.

"_Mmmm_…"

He shifts and then takes your hand… He plants a soft kiss on your ring, then works his way up your arm. His breath comes hot against your skin as his hands roam your body seeking out your curves. His trail of kisses meanders across your shoulder and collar-bone, up your neck, and finally… mercifully… to your lips.

"Oh, _Liam_!"

You move to within an inch of Liam's face, and gaze deep into his eyes, which smolder back at you. You maintain eye contact as he lowers the fabric of your dress from your shoulders and down each arm, then lavishes attention to your chest…

"_Ohh_…"

As his hands wander, he finds the silken buttons on your dress and smiles.

"You look _astonishing_ in this dress, my love… But I have a feeling you would look even better out of it."

"Will you help me?"

By way of an answer, Liam begins to unbutton the dress, his touch gentle and doting. Soon, he slips the fabric down over your hips and onto the floor. His eyes sweep across your form, his expression reverent.

"My king, you seem to have me at a disadvantage."

"We can't have that. A true king never leaves his queen at a disadvantage."

You loop a finger around his belt and tug him toward you, then work at the buckle as he relieves himself of his jacket and shirt. Soon, his clothes are in a haphazard pile on the floor.

"_Liam… Your queen wants you_…"

"As you command, _Your Majesty_."

Liam kisses you, letting out a low moan as your hands explore his muscled chest and arms, then wander to his back, grasping gently while a surge of energy builds within you. His lips brushing featherlight kisses up your neck and to your ear as he whispers…

"_Shall we take this to the bed_?"

You nod, and Liam lifts you off the couch as you wrap your arms around his neck. He carries you to the bed and lays you down gently as he climbs in, situated above you. Liam smiles, taking in the curves of your body with his eyes and his hands.

"_God Catherine_… _you are_…_ everything_…"

After a moment, he dips down to lay a gentle kiss on your lips. He shifts, and his kisses begin to travel slowly, sensually down your neck, to your collarbone, and across your chest.

"_Liam_…"

He passes over your belly button, down to your hip, then angles between your legs... Liam carefully moves them apart and drops his head, kissing his way inward from your thigh. Your whole body seems to seize as his tongue finally connects with your skin.

"_Ohh…_!"

He continues to kiss you, moving his mouth slowly and deliberately over you. Your breathing wavers as you're taken by the sensation of an energy building within you. Just as you think you can't take a moment more… he gently kisses his way up to your lips as he shifts, lining his body with yours… You arch your hips to meet his and you both lower together on the bed as he begins to rock slow and steady against you… his eyes locked on yours…

"_Ohh… Liam_…"

"_Catherine_…"

You move together in perfect rhythm, sending brilliant lightning bolts through your body. You stare deep into Liam's eyes as the room disintegrates around you until all that's left is him and you and waves of pleasure abound…

"_Catherine… I love you_…"

"_Ohh… Liam… I love you_…"

A heat burns and expands inside of you…

"Oh…_Liam…_!"

"_Oh Catherine_…"

Afterward, you lie in Liam's arms, both of you breathless and content. As the trembling subsides, he begins tracing abstract patterns on your skin with one hand.

"Catherine, that was incredible. _You_ are incredible. I'm truly the luckiest man in the world."

Liam brushes a hair off of your forehead and kisses the spot where it had been.

"How does it feel to be Queen of Cordonia? Do you feel different?"

"I wouldn't let a little thing like a crown change me."

"I would think that after nearly getting killed, getting married, and becoming queen, _something_ would have changed."

"Who I am hasn't changed. I'm still alive and with the man I love. That's all that matters."

"When you put it that way, it seems all is truly right with the world."

Liam stares thoughtfully at the ceiling for a moment and then turns to you…

"Hmm… Queen Catherine of Duchy Valtoria and Cordonia, _wife _of King Liam of Cordonia. It has a lovely ring to it."

"Hey, I'm not the only one who picked up a title today. You're a husband now. _My_ husband."

"Yes, _your_ husband."

"Calling you that feels… Right. It's a change, but it's a change that's been a long time coming. I've been ready to be your wife for… a while."

"I feel the same way… It's less a fundamental change, and more a shift into someone I already should have been… Someone I _want_ to be."

You look down at your finger and admire your rings. Even in subdued lighting, each facet comes to life as if competing to be more brilliant than the one next to it.

"And what does the queen think of her royal wedding ring?"

"It's… Perfect, and I'm never taking it off! I may never have seen _anything_ quite so beautiful."

"I could say the same of the woman wearing it…"

A flicker of light passes over his expression…

"Ah, that reminds me…"

Liam gets up and moves to the nightstand. He pulls out a lovely bouquet of red roses and a letter.

"These are for you."

"These are lovely! But what's the letter for?"

"It's for you. I wrote it in the days leading up to the wedding, to read to you on our wedding night. But first, something is missing…"

Liam goes to the coffee table and returns with two glasses of champagne. He offers you one. You take a sip, and the effervescent liquid pops and tingles on your tongue.

"You are so thoughtful... I can't wait to hear it."

Liam opens the letter with a smile and begins to read…

"Catherine, Queen of my heart… and now Queen of Cordonia too… Long before you saved Cordonia, you saved me. I had accepted that I would lead a life of service. It was a role I was honored to accept, even knowing it would require a great deal of sacrifice. I was prepared to relinquish my personal aspirations for the sake of country… or so I thought. Seeing you for the first time in Cordonia was a defining moment for me… I saw the possibility for a life of service _and_ of love."

"Liam…"

"What you have given me… is somehow even _more_ than a soulmate, a partner and a friend… It's a life where I can be both the man I _need_ to be, and the man I _want_ to be. Thank you, my love, for you truly are the light of my heart."

"Liam… Come here and kiss me!"

Liam leans in and gently presses his lips to yours. You breathe in the scent of him and sigh happily.

"Whether I saved you or you saved me, what matters now is that we have each other… forever."

"That's _all_ that matters now."

You wriggle closer to Liam's side, he wraps an arm around you and kisses the top of your head.

"This night has been the most wonderful end to the most wonderful day of my life."

"Even with the fight and the almost dying and all that?"

"Yes, even with the almost dying. And somehow, there's still one more amazing piece left."

"What's that?"

"Waking up with you in my arms for the very first time."

You shift and begin slowly kissing from his chest up to his neck, then nibble at his ear… you raise your head to look at him and he shivers as your finger traces a sensual line on his lower lip, a coy smile on yours.

"Well… it sounds wonderful, my king… but that would require sleep, which I'm not ready to do just yet…"

He flashes a mischievous grin right before he lays you back. His lips find yours in a passionate kiss as his hand gently caresses from your cheek, down to your hips, pulling your body flush against him. After a long moment he pulls back, both of you breathless and his gaze full of desire…

"_You are insatiable_…"

"Would you have me any other way?"

"Not even… _I will eagerly forego sleep for you my queen._"


	4. Chapter 4

Today the royal court travelled to the duchy Lythikos in the northern most region of the country, which is always cold and there is never less than six inches of snow on the ground at any given time. The duchy is home to Duchess Olivia Nevrakis… one of the suitors. Olivia and I have been friends since childhood, and it was always speculated early on that she and I would marry someday, but I didn't share that vision. There was no... spark so to speak. Even though she has grown into a beautiful woman, my feelings for her have never been more than that of a sibling.

Characteristically, we differ on so many levels that I truly believe we are only capable of a platonic relationship between us, and nothing more. Although, since becoming an adult I get the feeling she desires more than just friendship from me, but it would feel like a betrayal if I allowed things to go beyond that. She is very dear to my heart though and I will always love her as one of my nearest and dearest friends, but that's all it could ever be.

Olivia was enthusiastic about hosting this event, so much so, that she quite literally dragged me out on the ice as soon as we arrived this morning. I couldn't bring myself to decline her offer, especially after seeing how excited she was. I always enjoy spending time with her, but it's been difficult watching her become who she is… sometimes I hardly recognize the person I once knew. Maybe we've all changed in one way or another, but I'd like to think that those changes bring about diversity to one's overall character rather than becoming defined by them.

I'm not sure if it was pure adrenaline or alcohol, but somehow Olivia managed to keep me occupied and busy for much of the day. I didn't see or talk with the other girls as often as I should have and with the exception of ice skating, then followed by a short ski adventure, there was hardly any interaction at all. I was able to spend a few moments with them on the ice while Maxwell distracted Olivia. Well, maybe not all of them, but one in particular. I have to admit, that brief encounter with Catherine was definitely a highlight for me. The day itself could have ended right then and I would have been satisfied.

I was immediately impressed by her confidence on the ice and wondered how she managed so gracefully, but of course I didn't ask. I imagine there are many places back in New York that provide the opportunity for such talent or maybe she's just a natural. Either way, I was equally astonished by her skill on the slopes. At one point I noticed Drake had coaxed her into a friendly competition and I don't think anyone was as surprised as he was that she actually won.

Once we arrived at the estate, Olivia gave me a tour of her duchy and the renovations that had taken place since my last visit. We finished the day with a casual dinner where I was introduced to the many diplomatic acquaintances who were supposedly there in support of the crown and honestly, it was exhausting.

I did notice how Olivia took full advantage of her position as hostess. It was clear that she hadn't invited the other suitors to dinner which to me, was a blatant act of disrespect. If I had asked why, I'm certain the response would have been that she simply forgot or else they chose not to attend… though I doubt either of those would have been the truth. With the dramatic change in her personality over the last few years, I shouldn't be surprised and I'm not really… but it is disappointing. Tonight I realized that Olivia would never be suited to become the queen this country deserves… at least not in her current state of mind. While she possesses the skills needed for such a role, I fear compassion and sensitivity have been replaced with the complete opposite.

Right now, I'm doubtful that any of the suitors would be a good fit… save for one. And while she may not be accustomed to this lifestyle and it's many inadequacies, it's becoming clear to me that her abilities have been way too often underestimated. And even though my decision is still a ways off, I might have a little faith in this process after all. There is also the expectation to produce heirs at some point and, I'm not mentally or physically capable of sharing that part of myself with just anyone.

Finally after dinner I came to my assigned room, which is by far the best room at the estate. It even comes with a hot tub on a balcony overlooking the mountains and the view is absolutely breathtaking. It is, without question, the perfect setting for a magnificent evening spent with someone special. Unfortunately, I won't have the opportunity to enjoy it since every moment of my time is planned… down to the very last second it seems. And by all accounts, I'm quite certain it wouldn't be considered appropriate.

As I lay here trying to unwind and hopefully get some sleep, my mind keeps wandering to the events of the day. As the Crown Prince it is my duty to give equal consideration to all the girls who have contributed so much of themselves to come here and be a part of this process, but days like today just proves what I've suspected all along. While this practice is designed to placate and solidify our nation as a whole, it lacks a certain empathy that doesn't allow confidence in one's own abilities to override the belief that his or her title carries the most significance. Entertaining this approach benefits no one. That's how I interpret it anyway.

Well, tomorrow is the ball here in Lythikos and after that, it's back to the capital for the regatta. It seems with the close of each event, I am no closer to finding resolution. Even if it were based on merit alone, I'd still have difficulty with this dilemma. Maybe tomorrow will open a door and give me the insight I so desperately seek… such a quandary indeed.


	5. Chapter 5

What can I say really? This day began much like any other I've had since the start of the social season. Like clockwork, it's breakfast at eight, lunch at noon and dinner at seven, which the latter always seems to extend well into the evening. And by the end, I'm ready to collapse from sheer exhaustion. While I enjoy the meal and certain other aspects of these feasts or gatherings, I still find it difficult to remain focused on much of the conversations that ensue.

Even as a child my mind seemed to wander a great deal, especially when I was thrown into the rigors of government. No matter how hard I tried to focus on the debates and political issues being discussed, my thoughts were usually elsewhere. Like what the other children might be doing and wishing I was somehow with them, instead of sitting in a town hall during some boring meeting that my father had forced me to attend.

I don't think I ever heard more than five words the entire time, and it's almost comical when I think about how frequently I would excuse myself just so I didn't have to listen anymore. I'm sure the guard who followed and stood outside the bathroom door often wondered why I spent so much time in there. He probably thought I had some sort of medical issue, or maybe, just maybe he actually understood how difficult it was for a child to endure such a structured setting. In any case, no one ever found out, and that became my ruse for escaping the monotony, at least for a while. No one would ever question this behavior from a small child, but as a young adult it was unacceptable, and I figured that out fairly quickly. Oh, to be a child again…

Throughout the events of today, I had the opportunity to speak to several of the ladies with the intent of learning more about Cordonia's potential queen. I don't mean to sound ungrateful or be disrespectful in _any_ way, but if I could have been any less interested I might have nodded off at some points in the conversation. It almost reminded me of the town hall when I was a child. The only thing that kept me going this entire night was the hope that I might get to spend time with Catherine. Her very presence has stirred something within me… something unfamiliar yet exhilarating and I can't help wanting more.

When it was time for the traditional waltz to commence, I knew my obligation was to offer the first dance to the hostess, but that didn't stop me from worrying Catherine might be offended because of it. I was relieved when Maxwell offered to be her dance partner and even more so when she accepted. Mostly because she seemed happy and that alone gave me tremendous pleasure. During the switch of partners, we managed to steal a few moments together, and I have to admit that holding her so close coupled with the smell of her sweet perfume was absolutely intoxicating and it ended way too soon.

It wasn't long after we resumed the dance with our beginning partners, that the music began slowing which signaled the end of the first dance. That's when Olivia chose to throw caution to the wind and decided to kiss me right before we were ready to step off the dance floor. It caught me by surprise, which is most likely why it last longer than necessary, but at that moment, I was more concerned with how this bold move was seen by the others… one in particular. I was hoping Catherine didn't assume I was the one who initiated it. Of course, Olivia's unsolicited advance needed to be addressed, but to avoid embarrassing her in front of the entire court, I led her quietly outside. It took a bit of convincing, and she was not happy with my response, but I believe I made my point clear. When I returned to the ballroom alone, it appeared as though things had settled down a bit and my goal was to try and speak with Catherine. As I searched the room, I noticed she was locked in conversation with one of the other suitors, so I chose to bide my time until another opportunity occurred. Now, I'm not a fool who believes she is unaware of what happened, but I am thankful that she doesn't seem affected by it.

I realize all this must seem strange to anyone unfamiliar with the court and its somewhat harsh reality, but if it bothers Catherine, even the least bit, I certainly can't tell. And I'm convinced I would be the first to notice if there were any signs, given the times my gaze seems to drift in her direction. I'd like others to think it's out of concern, and it is… somewhat, but to be honest, I am completely taken by her natural beauty. I would consider it a dishonor if I didn't let my eyes feast upon such perfection and I do so as often as possible. I don't believe she is even aware of how stunning she really is, and it's hard to ignore the subtle stares from other nobles that reveal I am not the only one to notice.

As the evening began to wind down, I was feeling accomplished that somehow I had managed to keep all the nobles happy for yet another day. However, I still hadn't spoken to Catherine, and when the opportunity I was hoping for finally presented itself, I seized it. I guess you could say fate found a way to save the best for last.

I somehow found the courage to extend a subtle invitation to my room with the intent of relaxing in the hot tub and astonish her with a magnificent view of the mountains in the snow. It was unclear whether she would come, but if she was going to, I was prepared to make sure this would be an experience she would not soon forget. As I was lighting the last candle to set the mood, my mind was telling me how wrong I was to feel this nervous and excited over spending time with just one of the suitors, but my heart was saying to pull out all the stops because she is worth it.

I'm glad I listened to the latter because from the moment she stepped into my room, my entire world was transformed. To suddenly realize what I should have known from the first night we met… I am, without a doubt, in love with Catherine. And while I believe she feels the same way, from this point forward I will have to be mindful of how my interaction with her is being perceived. At least publicly. This court can be a cruel and vicious place, and it would be absolutely devastating to know that she received any criticism related to my favor.

This night with Catherine has undoubtedly been the most exceptional thus far, and what I wouldn't do to have many, many more just like it. She has a genuine air about her, and not afraid to speak her mind, which I absolutely adore. I keep wondering what I did to warrant the attention from this remarkable human being, this incredible woman who came halfway across the continent because of one extraordinary night, just to spend time with and get to know more about _me_. Not specifically with a prince and future king, but with me, Liam… the man behind the title.

I would never admit this openly to anyone, and some might even scoff at the idea that I would even consider such things, but lately, I've been consumed by the need to feel her close to me. Not the kind that means _just_ holding her… I want to touch, taste and feel every inch of her in the most intimate way possible. That was especially true tonight, and it literally took every ounce of strength I could gather, not to give in to my overwhelming desire. I can't speak for Catherine, but I knew if we gave in, there would be no going back… at least not for me. Even though my heart says that she is the only one for me, I can't let that alone influence my decision. Cordonia deserves a queen that is both steadfast and fierce, all without fail. That is why I can't allow my personal desires to make that decision for me. And even though Catherine retains these qualities, I am bound by the expectations of the crown to consider all possibilities. No matter what I might want…


	6. Chapter 6

The last few days have been a complete shadow, to the remarkable night Catherine and I spent in the hot tub in Lythikos. Anything following that will pale in comparison, mostly because it was the moment I realized just how much I care for her. And while I believe those feelings were there all along, I somehow managed to keep them hidden from everyone, including myself. It has been liberating to acknowledge that I am in love, but due to the nature of this process, I haven't expressed it to her yet. Although, I get the feeling she suspects already. And I also think it's fair to say that she has similar feelings for me as well.

Upon departing Lythikos yesterday afternoon, the court returned to the palace late last night, ahead of the traditional Royal Regatta that took place today. Subsequently, it is not one of my favorite events, but father always looks forward to it and seeing him in such high spirits almost made me forget how much I dislike sailing.

Before others began to arrive, the royal family was in the reserved grand pavilion, which is situated between the docks and waterway. And while everyone else was engaged in light conversation, I was busy keeping a close eye on the access area… eagerly awaiting the arrival of Catherine. Once she came into view, I couldn't get there fast enough and knowing she would be headed for the boats soon after, I practically ran until I caught up to her. To be honest, I just wanted to be near her, and maybe have the opportunity to wish her luck before the race.

Catherine and I were enjoying a pleasant conversation when father stepped up to the podium to launch the event with a traditional welcome speech. While he has delivered numerous profound speeches in his time, this one always seems to mirror his sentiment in what being a king truly means to him. Nevertheless, during today's opening address he announced that by the conclusion of the social season, he would be relinquishing his title as the reigning monarch… which means, in a few weeks' time I will be ascending the throne as the next King of Cordonia.

Moreover, I always knew he would retire eventually, but with a great deal left to consider, I believed the transition wouldn't happen until later this year. While this news came about unexpectedly, the primary concern was why he chose to divulge his plans to the world before ever consulting me. Assuming there was a logic behind it, I didn't question this hasty decision, but his explanation turned out to be worse than I could ever have imagined. At present, it remains essential that I come to terms with this devastating news and as difficult as it is to comprehend, it is even more challenging to explain, but… my father, the King of Cordonia, the man who has been my greatest and most trusted mentor, is… dying.

In light of this revelation, I can't help asking myself, how could I not have known or at least suspected he was in poor health? Most likely, it was due to the preparations of the social season and my overwhelming concerns surrounding it that I obviously missed anything suggesting he was ill. After stating the nature of his illness, he is adamant that he intends to fight until his last breath, and I have no doubt that he means every word. However, there's a certain look in his eyes… a look that says he is prepared for the worst and that is the element most troubling. Although, he was quite clear that there will be no grieving while he is still with us, and as difficult as that might be, I am bound to respect his wishes.

Nevertheless, after many failed attempts to reach an understanding, I've decided to push any negative thoughts aside for now and focus on something a bit more positive. Honestly, I can't think of anything more positive than the moments I've shared with Catherine today, or any other day for that matter. Even when I am laden by courtly demands, just catching sight of her is an enormous comfort, but being in her presence? Well, that is an entirely different level of contentment.

After the races concluded and the food had been splayed out, I was confined to the pavilion and locked in conversation with the royal family and several political acquaintances for much of the afternoon. However, that didn't stop my gaze from falling on Catherine for most of it. A vision of beauty she was, amidst the throngs of people occupying the beach, and even at a distance it was overwhelming at how badly I wanted to just reach out and touch her. The mere thought of it had me desperate to divert my attention elsewhere, but all I could envision was the tiny beads of sweat that trickled down slowly as the light caught just right against her sun-kissed skin.

Remembering the Forgotten Falls was nearby, I began to devise a way to steal her away, if only for a little while, to share a special place with a special lady. Ordinarily, I wouldn't be so bold as to extend an invitation to only one of the suitors, but selfishly, when I'm alone with her, I can be myself which is a rare occurrence. I was elated when she accepted and after a not so lengthy hike and an even shorter climb, we reached our destination. I'll never forget the look of sheer amazement on her face the moment she saw the falls. It almost reminded me of my own reaction the first time I witnessed one of nature's most magnificent creations. Being in the midst of such beauty is enough to take any man's breath away, and I'm not just referring to the falls.

After a playful climb to the top and a moment to adjust to the height of the falls, we decided to take a _leap of faith_, so to speak. The gesture itself was symbolic of the trust and respect that I've come to value in our relationship thus far, but it also proved to further exemplify the increasing affection we have for one another. If there was ever a moment of doubt about the way I feel for Catherine before today, any and all traces of it have been removed, existentially. This beautiful, generous and caring human being represents all I've ever wanted and it is important that, from this moment forward, I find ways to show her how I feel.

While I believe it is accurate to assume that telling her would be inappropriate, it would likely generate a negative effect on how the others view her. And consequently, how they might treat her. Although, there was a moment when we were locked in a passionate embrace that I almost uttered those three words to her. _God_… the warmth she exudes when I looked into her eyes, I nearly lost it right then and there… if not for a commotion in the nearby brush, I might have finished that statement and forgotten propriety altogether. When my confession was interrupted, I took that as a sign to ignore the desires of my heart and I unwillingly let that tender moment between us slip away. Soon, we found ourselves on the beach after a slow walk back and given our time together today, I didn't wish for it to end. It was obvious she felt the same, but it was then that father appeared and requested to speak with me alone. I reluctantly bid her goodnight and then… well, that's when my world was turned upside down.

The next few weeks are going to be difficult to say the least. Not only has it been decided that the court will take a break from any and all events during that time, but to prepare for my upcoming coronation, I will be tied up with both legal and administrative tasks… giving me no time to spend with Catherine. Nevertheless, I'm not sure that in my current state of mind, I would be good company anyway. I just hope she understands…


	7. Chapter 7

With the social season back in full swing, the court is at Applewood Manor for the next several weeks, and I can finally reclaim a small bit of normalcy. I realize it's been a while since my last entry in this journal, but with father's unexpected announcement at the regatta and then learning about his illness shortly thereafter, my attention has been less about routine and more about the details surrounding the impending transition. Not to mention the absence of time or my lack of desire in using a pen to outline the last few tedious weeks of my life.

Although priming the king-to-be was at the forefront of activities during that time, and will remain an ongoing process, at least preparations for the coronation are essentially complete. Therefore, I can now focus my attention on the social season and its purpose. Since the schedule didn't allow significant idle time, I somehow managed to steal a few moments here and there to consider the possibilities and perhaps a small portion was set aside for soul-searching.

After a break in the schedule, and before resuming the social season, my advisors felt it was necessary that I spend that time concentrating on which of the ladies would be suitable as the wife of a king. But more importantly, the one that possesses the most distinctive qualities befitting a queen. Therefore, after spending time with each of them, it is quite clear that my loyalty lies with only one. Nevertheless, while I long to share those feelings with her, the consequences of revealing my intentions so soon would only generate additional criticism of the monarchy. An effect, that this small kingdom simply cannot afford, especially during the transfer of leadership.

While there remain a few matters that need clarification before I can deem it official, I feel certain that the outcome will remain the same. However, in keeping with tradition and maintaining both integrity and balance in the process, I won't force even the slightest hint of an announcement until the night of the coronation. Although, as difficult as it has been to conceal my true feelings up until now, it is certain to create additional challenges in the weeks to come and I just hope I am prepared to handle the additional scrutiny.

Aside from her breathtaking beauty, Lady Catherine exhibits all the qualities any man might expect from a woman he desires to spend the rest of his life with. While these attributes are not altogether inclusive in that respect, it is her wit, charm, and generosity that seem to stand out above the rest. Which, if I'm being honest, those are only a few of the numerous reasons why I was attracted to her, to begin with. Suffice to say, it was her smile that first caught my attention, but it would be unfair not to mention the warmth and compassion in her chestnut eyes.

Perhaps it's a bit overdramatic, but throughout the social season, I have often thought this sort of peace and contentment could only be possible in my dreams. As though I have been dreaming the entire time, and consequently, that Catherine's presence is just a figment of my imagination. One that I selfishly conceived in my mind as a way to ease the torment and help dull the overwhelming feeling of loneliness I've carried for so long. Fortunately, I had family and a few close friends that consistently encouraged and supported me, but I still always felt as though something was missing. At the time it seemed rather insignificant, as I had no idea what it was. And it never really occurred to me just how important this missing piece was until I met Catherine.

The time we spent together in New York will forever be etched in memory as the night my life truly began. Prior to that, my existence was merely a prerequisite to a lifetime of service born to the crown, and I struggled with whether to accept the hand I had been dealt or simply deny it. Either way, my decision would have consequences and perhaps it was just easier to concede, rather than face the disappointment. It wasn't until Catherine arrived in Cordonia that I was able to fully come to terms with the given situation, therefore, a huge void in my life has been replaced with that of hope and possibility.

While it might sound cliché, Catherine's presence has provided an extremely fresh and exciting perspective to my once miserable existence. Consequently, looking at the world through her eyes is as if, by some force of nature, I've been given a second chance to witness it again for the first time. What I once envisioned as a colorless environment, filled with doubt and uncertainty, suddenly seems vibrant, hopeful and full of possibilities. Likewise, is her personality. Giving respect to her uniqueness, I think it goes without saying that she is the epitome of truth and sincerity. And when you add that to an already indelible strength and compassion for others, that my friends, is the winning combination.

Let me reiterate that with an instance to prove my point. Before the activities of the social season commenced, I had made plans to meet Drake in the hopes of persuading him to have a celebratory drink or two. Even though he is not particularly fond of having one, birthdays _are_ for celebrating after all. While waiting, I couldn't stop my mind from drifting to the terrible things that have happened over the last few weeks. Not long after seeking refuge in the gazebo, I heard a soft voice calling my name and when I turned to see Catherine, it was obvious from her expression that she already knew I was distraught. Even though I can't tell her the reason, it was a great comfort just knowing she was there. While her compassion is unparalleled, it still astonishes me.

Another point could be the fact that she somehow managed to persuade Drake that letting us celebrating his birthday was obligatory. While I'm sure he knows that's not completely true, however, I believe he appreciated the effort. It's the first time since I've known him, that he looked forward to something besides his favorite bottle of whiskey. That was in no way meant to criticize of course, but I happen to know his tendencies better than most and he does love whiskey. Part of the excitement could stem from his less than enthusiastic attitude about being at courtly functions, which our outing was definitely not a courtly function. Or is it possible that maybe, just maybe, he wanted a night out with friends? Either way, he would never admit to it of course and I was just happy to see that he was happy.

It's getting late and tomorrow is day two of the Apple Blossom Festival. Until then, I look forward to whatever it may bring.


	8. Chapter 8

I can hardly believe the social season is coming to an end so soon and in just a few short weeks I will be crowned the King of Cordonia. Although my education was equal to that of the Crown Prince, it never occurred to me at the time that its purpose would ever serve as anything more than ancillary support for the monarchy. And given that I was _not_ born to hold the title, to say that I am apprehensive at this point would be quite the understatement.

It is difficult to imagine and somewhat intimidating when I think of how many people will be placing their trust in me to make fair and just decisions on their behalf. I won't pretend to have all the answers, but I do plan to listen and consider every possibility. And the only expectation I have is that my final ruling will somehow encourage long-term benefits to keep this small kingdom thriving and its people content. At any rate, that is the legacy I hope to leave behind.

Today started off with a traditional apple pie baking contest and concluded with the whimsical crowning of an Apple Queen. It's no surprise that Catherine was awarded that title by winning the popular vote among the people in attendance. There was a small part of me that had dreaded this event more than the others, simply because of the required social interaction between the suitors. Although it has created no real problems to speak of, the contrast in personalities among these women have given way to a few tense moments on more than one occasion. But I was pleasantly surprised and quite relieved, that their collaborative efforts remained amicable.

This event doesn't require my constant presence, but with Catherine in attendance, I was never too far from the activities. Or from a clear view of the woman that has undoubtedly captured my heart. Perhaps it's uncharacteristic under the circumstances, but my gaze seems to follow any direction that leads to her. And each time, I find even more reasons why this sort of reaction is justified.

Not only is she a beautiful woman, but the fearlessness projected when it comes to dealing with the others is remarkable. She's not afraid to speak her mind and seems to have a way of getting her point across without stirring controversy. That is an admirable quality for the few people I know of that possess it, but it's an absolute necessity for someone in a position of authority. Namely, a queen.

While my initial concerns over how she would manage throughout this process have been proven unfounded many times over, I continue to repeat my natural desire to protect her. I can't deny that I'm already deeply in love with her and even though I've not spoken those words just yet, I believe that my subtle comments and gestures have given her some idea how I feel. And if my instincts serve me right, she has a few unspoken feelings of her own.

Once the Apple Queen was officially crowned and acknowledged properly, it was time for me to meet with members of the garden society to discuss the flowers in the conservatory. While waiting, my mind was once again immersed in thoughts surrounding my future and I was brought back to the present when the door finally opened behind me. I turned expecting to see my mother's friends, but as luck would have it, Catherine stepped in instead. I suppose I should thank Maxwell for his help in providing us another rare moment alone and I cherish the ones we've managed to steal thus far. She was radiant as usual, and I just couldn't take my eyes off her. Her presence is always a welcoming distraction and having her in my life... necessary.

Even though I have endured extensive training in stoicism, and for the most part I have been successful at preserving that virtual barrier between my emotions and the outside world. However, starting with the night we met in New York, it would seem that those walls are no match for Catherine's keen sense of perception and her unrivaled gift for persistence.

She has a unique way of luring me into a conversation about things that I would never discuss with anyone else, especially when it comes to how I feel. But somehow, these moments alone with Catherine leaves me with a lighter, more carefree mindset than I had before she graced me with her presence. That is just one of the many things I love about her...

After our talk in the conservatory, I feel even more certain that Catherine is the queen this country needs. Even though she wasn't born to this life, I have no doubts about her ability to rule beside me. And if my assumptions are correct, not only will she _meet_ the crucial elements required by this court, she will surpass _any_ and all expectations. To be honest, she has already exceeded mine.

While being charged with the task of choosing Cordonia's next queen was not one I ever anticipated having, I think it's reasonable to say that all of the women were given fair and equal consideration. At least _I'd_ like to think so. And even though it's a few weeks before I am required to make that decision, I'm thankful, I already know.

I suppose some might perceive it as selfish on my part, especially if they knew how I truly felt about her, but in less than two weeks I will be asking for Catherine's hand. And if all goes as planned, she will make my dreams come true. She is the one I _want _to spend eternity with... She is the queen Cordonia _needs_... Catherine is the _only_ woman I see in the future.

These next few weeks are going to be very difficult without being able to spend much time with Catherine. But when all is said and done, I know it's worth the wait.


End file.
